Take Care of Your Relationship with Your Mentor

A friendly reminder: If you are fortunate enough to have a mentor in your life, don't forget to treat their time and advice as the gifts they are.

• Always say thank you – then say it again. This person is giving you valuable information free of charge. He is volunteering his time. Even if it's not a big deal to him, it should be a big deal to you. Make sure your mentor knows that you appreciate it.
• Don't demand too much from your mentor. We are all busy. Don't take up too much of your mentor's time and don't try to dictate the terms. Work around her schedule and be conscious of how much you are asking of her. 

A mentor's generosity can quickly turn sour if he starts to feel as if he's not appreciated or is being taken advantage of. If that happens, you'll lose the benefits that a mentor provides and a valuable champion for your career.

reader's question: how do I find a mentor?

Q. I noticed in one of your blog entries that Sarah Fulford recommends finding a mentor. How does one find, then approach a mentor? Especially if that person is not a friend, a friend of a friend, or in the industry one currently works. Sarah was fortunate to have John Macfarlane. What advice, then, for the rest of us?

A. First, don't be so quick to dismiss those who are around you. Colleagues and supervisors, both former and current, can be great mentors. Keep your eyes open and really think about the people you know – they needn't be "celebrity" editors; you just need to respect and admire something about them, and feel like there's something they can teach you.

Inc.com has put together a collection of past stories and tips on the mentoring relationship. Most are business related, but here are a selection of tips that I think are applicable:

• Consciously think about where you are in your career, and where you would like to be. Honestly assess what type of personality you have, and which personality types complement your style. Consider your strengths and weaknesses, and define how a mentor might guide you through your growth.

• Keep an open mind regarding who this person might be: A mentor is someone who will help you grow in the area(s) most important to you. This person is not necessarily your supervisor, or anyone with a high-ranking title, or even someone in the same business. Look for someone who exemplifies the traits and skills that you want to adopt.

• Good sources of mentors include your management team, industry associations, online communities, your clergy and/or congregation, and professors. Also consider people in your non-workplace communities, such as retirees, local business owners, and people associated with your hobbies. (Note: Some personal coaches advise against choosing your supervisor as a mentor because of a possible conflict of interest.)

• [P]utting all your mentor eggs in one basket can be a mistake. "I think people really ought to think in terms of multiple mentors instead of just one," concludes [Kathy] Kram, the author of Mentoring at Work.

• [H]ow do you persuade him or her to sign on to your cause? Would-be mentors are most receptive to people who ask good questions, listen well to the responses and demonstrate that they are hungry for advice and counsel, Kram says.

• You need someone to give you very realistic, appropriate, frank, personal feedback -- someone who has the same perspective, someone whose experiences you can learn from so you don't have to do everything the hard way -- and you don't always have to make the same mistakes. [Dan Caulfield, CEO of HQ Group, in Oceanside, Calif.]

the value of a mentor

I've had a rash of emails recently from people who are feeling defeated in their hunt for a job – who are becoming disenchanted with the magazine biz. At times like these, it helps to have a mentor to turn to. It was one of my own mentors who reminded me of this when I asked him whether he had advice I could pass on to these editor/writer hopefuls. Having someone who understands the business and knows your history, talents and goals, someone who can provide you with tailor-made advice and encouragement, who can guide you through your career – this is invaluable.

So where do you find one? Look around you. Perhaps there's already a more senior person you've worked with, with whom you've clicked. If not, keep an eye out for people who are especially kind or interested in what you're working on. Developing this type of relationship takes time and should develop naturally – you'll pick them up in school and through your early career. To nurture this type of connection, ask advice when you need it – people are generally flattered to be asked and are usually happy to help out. Be sure to always thank them for their advice and let them know if it helped you land that job or primo assignment. Put them on your Christmas card list and email them articles you think they might be interested in. However you do it, stay in touch. Weekly updates aren't necessary, but a kind hello a few times a year is good.